Disappointment and Hope.

I found myself repeating this refrain over and over again the past few months. Pick an issue. Any issue. The sentiment was likely the same.

At first glance, a statement like this can seem depressing and devoid of all hope, but if you’re careful, you’ll see that hope is actually deeply embedded within it. To have been disappointed at all is to have hoped.

Disappointments have taught me a lot about hope.

They’ve reminded me to be careful where I place it.
They’ve helped me re-affirm my self-worth.
They’ve shown me that even when I feel powerless, I am not.
They’ve opened my eyes to possibilities I would not have otherwise considered.
They’ve helped me imagine better things.
They’ve challenged me to hope for more.

Hope birthed in disappointment has led me to action. To move on. To move forward.

The past two weeks, my former place of employment was set on fire. Watching it burn stirred up many emotions, some of which included that familiar refrain.

Disappointment for what I endured while there. Disappointment for what was enabled then and allowed to continue long after I was gone. While I was not surprised, I am frustrated by the shameful predictability of that disappointment.

A year ago, I was in a really dark place, cycling through crippling anxiety and deep depression on a daily basis. Today, I feel relieved, free and hopeful.

I’m grateful for my friend who rushed to safety long before the house would burn. I’m inspired by my friend who was disappointed enough to speak up and spark the flame. I’m in awe of those still on the ground fighting for change by fanning those flames. I imagine things are chaotic and unpredictable right now. This is the nature of fire. But the beautiful thing about a fire is that once its work is done and the smoke clears, the soil is rich, renewed and healthy. Beautiful things can finally grow.

Beauty from ashes.

I still, perhaps foolishly, hold on to hope for better. Movements are built on disappointments. These movements are driven by hope.

Although, sometimes it’s hard to find the hope, I promise you it’s there if you look close enough. Be careful not to miss the hope. Let that surprise you.